As we reach the tail end of this crazy and amazing journey of pregnancy, I thought I would write a bit about my thoughts and feelings on the past 9 months. It's honestly more of a very public journal entry, so if my normal rambling thoughts annoy you, I would tread carefully from here on. Or just shut your trap since I'm almost 10 months pregnant.
We're pregnant!
Finding out we were pregnant was one of the most earth shattering moments in my life so far. Who knew that seeing those little lines on a pee covered stick could make such an amazing impact on you. I think Matt and I were both in denial about it for some time, though still giddy over the idea, if that makes sense. Even seeing him as a tiny little blob during out first ultrasound (7 weeks) didn't make it entirely real. Weirdly enough, our first bleeding/spotting scare at 11 weeks was what made it truly real for us. Worrying all day long that something could happen to our little peanut showed us both how much the pregnancy already meant to us (we had only known for less than a month at this point). When we had the emergency ultrasound that day and we saw how much our little guy had already developed into a baby (and of course that he was 100% healthy and ok) gave me a sense of calm and relief I didn't know I needed.
Morning sickness:
The weeks upon weeks of morning sickness were more than worth it when we saw the above image....though I still don't quite understand how people go through that more than once. I will definitely not forget how awful that constant feeling was, even when I have the reason for it all in my arms. I know that I in no way had it anywhere near as bad as some people, but a constant feeling of being a second away from puking from 4am-10am and then 5pm-10pm everyday for about 3 months was a lot to deal with (at the time anyway). Luckily I only got sick about a dozen or so times. After many many trial and errors with food/drink, I finally figured out that snacking on dry Special K cereal, while sipping on water during my drive into work was what made me not get sick. Who knew?
It's a boy!
The weeks leading up to finding out if Baby K was a boy or girl seemed like they took foooorevvvverrrr. Knowing that appointment was also the half way point also made it feel like it was ages away. And then, of course, it suddenly was upon us. And like Matt and I had both predicted, Baby K was in fact Baby Boy K. :) Matt had hoped for a boy all along, while I was more in the middle. Most of me wanted a little boy, but there was a smaller part of me that hoped for a girl. When the ultrasound tech announced, "Here's one leg, two legs, and a third leg!" our little family of two finally felt like it was a true family of three.
Baby Naming:
Try and top the awesomeness of Owen Xavier's name. Triple dog dare ya. I'm very happy we decided to use a family name as part of Baby Owen's name. Even though Matt and I never had the chance to meet his great grandpa Francis Xavier, I love knowing there is a piece of Matt's past in our baby's future.
On gaining weight:
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was the heaviest I'd ever been in my life. I knew growing a baby would lead to a substantial weight gain and most of that weight would be for the greater good of the baby...but honestly, what woman is 100% thrilled to be gaining 20+ pounds? Here's one of our first weekly belly photo from the blog when I was 20 weeks along...and I thought my belly was HUGE at this point....and then next to it is a photo from last week at 39 weeks.
Ummm, what the heck was I thinking back then?! Everyone kept telling me, just wait until the 9th month, but for some reason I didn't believe it would make such a difference. Holy hell, does it ever. Oh and for those of you that are curious....(and try to be nice since I'm really putting myself out there right now) I've gained exactly 30 pounds from our first doctor appointment at 7 weeks until now. THIRTY. POUNDS. That's like carrying an extra three Ty Cobbs around every where I go.
Luckily, I am a nester/psycho planner by nature, so planning for Baby Owen's arrival was not stressful in the slightest. Well, the most stressful part was being a psycho review reader for every single baby product imaginable. Like even nose aspirators and wipes. Otherwise, decorating the baby room, buying all the baby items, and organizing it all was a dream come true for me.
Matt and I love thrift store shopping, garage saling, and finding amazing deals, so when it came to baby items our buying sessions were no exception. I had no problem buying about half of all the baby clothes at consignment shops and garage sales, especially when most of them still had tags on them and were a fraction of original price!
Maternity Photos:
You will never go through your first pregnancy again. So do them. Especially if you have an amazingly talented friend to take them. Try to ignore the fact your face may not be super photogenic and will make awkward faces without meaning too (unless that's your real face....hmmm). I will treasure these photos forever.
Oh my god, we're almost parents:
Oh my god.....we're almost parents. Like any second, I will be a mom and Matt will be a dad. Strangely enough, we're actually not too worried about this. We both had jobs in the past were we took care of people with disabilities, so we were responsible for another person's life, and they lived to tell the tale. I have zero doubt in my mind that we will handle parenthood without major problems. Hopefully...
Oh my god, I have to give birth:
Oh my god....I am terrified of giving birth. Horrified and completely terrified. I'm afraid of the pain and not being able to handle it. I'm afraid I'm going to die and Matt will be left alone with our son. (He loves when I bring that up) I'm afraid something will happen to the baby. Or that he will be born with some weird problem (like his hand attached to his face...that's my latest one) and he will have to struggle with it for his whole life. Giving birth is my kryptonite night now...if I can beat that, I like to think I can take on anything.
Breastfeeding:
I am scared for breastfeeding too. I'm worried my boobs won't produce or I won't be able to feed Baby K because of dumb choices when I was in college. I am going into it with zero expectation beyond wanting to try (that way I won't be let down if something doesn't work) but I'm still worried it won't work. The engorgement phase freaks me out too. And a small part of me will always think breastfeeding is weird.
Keepin' the lovin' alive:
Though Matt and I have a very solid, loving, wonderful relationship, I'm still nervous for how it will change/grow/develop once we're sleep deprived and stressed. or even on a great day with baby in tow...our relationship will never be the same. We will no longer be the most important person in the other's life; we'll both have to share the spotlight with a tiny cute little man who can do no wrong. I'm scared for the future of us, but also excited to see where our relationship can go from here.
Friends and Family:
I am so excited for all our friends and family to meet Baby K and be in his life. I think most of them feel the same way. :) But I also know, that like my marriage, my friendships will change. Sure everyone will want to see us and hang out with us when Baby Owen first arrives, but that newness will fade eventually. We already have some friends that don't understand how we have to put our puppies before going out drinking all night long, how will they react to our having a baby with us everywhere we go or every time we hang out? I know that friendships (and sometimes even family ties) can fade over time, but I truly hope those important to us now, know who they are and stick with us, even when we have a poop machine screamer while out to dinner.
Future Kids?
As of now, we're stuck on the idea of Baby Owen being our one and only. And yes, we realize he'll probably be a little weird since he'll be an only child, but would any of you really expect
And one last thought...
Oh maternity clothes. How I will miss the stretchy belly bands you have. Maybe I can still wear them even when I (hopefully) don't need them anymore...
Thanks for sticking with us during the last 9 months as our lives became a bit of a whirlwind. I plan to keep the baby blog going once Baby Owen decides to make an appearance, hopefully with weekly posts, mostly with pictures of the little man for our family and friends that won't get to see him all the time. If you have an requests or ideas for posts/topics to cover, don't be shy! I love hearing from you all. :)
Lots of love and appreciation,
Matt and Steph
***Oh and if Baby Owen doesn't show up today, stay tuned for another 40 week post, probably mostly consisting of me complaining about still being pregnant.***
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